gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
