I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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