If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
