I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
