The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
