you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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