Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
