By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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