I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
