my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize