I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
