I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
