Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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