Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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