awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My cat gives me a boner
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
