She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
