Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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