a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize