Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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