i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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