Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
