in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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