I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
