hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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