That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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