omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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