It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
