you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
