pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
