I think I died a long time ago.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
