I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
