I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
