How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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