You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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