Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
