weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
