Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize