Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it's like heaven, but drunker
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
