He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
