I look better un-naked...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
