Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
