physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
