She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
