I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
