wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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