what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
