Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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