We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
