Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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