she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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