i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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