so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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