so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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