It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
