I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
