sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
