Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
