Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
