I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
