it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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