I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
