Can i not drive my cunt home
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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