Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
