Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The feeling are messing with the penis
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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