I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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