is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
