So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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