i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
